I'm so... I have no words. The kindness in people always makes me so very humble. Thank you, deanvica23. You're so amazingly sweet. *hugs*

I had my birthday on 21st. ^_^ I turned 33. I'm going to take a few pictures tomorrow. ^_^ We'll go to a movie and to a restaurant. Heheh! Nothing special. And I never really like to celebrate my own birthday because it's just... embarrassing. ^_^

LOL. I'm so happy right now. You have no idea how kind my co-workers are. How lovely people have been. How giving and caring and loving. Is this the same work place? Really? ^_^

Life is good.

I'm thinking about the renovations. We have the money, but I just don't have the energy to do this. >_< But we shall see what happens. At least we managed to buy a bookshelf. We have sooo many books.

( Here are some ideas )

Oh, and I'm now writing my thesis (finishing it) and I just started studying psychology. I must say this is something I've always wanted to do. I'm quite excited. ^_^

And I still can't believe I'm actually going to meet him in little over five months:

( Ladies and gentlemen, Jared Padalecki )

I'm so going to tell him: "Please don't ever change, and don't let anyone put you down. You are lovely just the way you are."

Maybe I'll have time to say that to him. ^_^ We'll see.

I was tagged by enchanter.

First: If you've been tagged, you must write your answers in your own LJ and replace any question that you dislike with a new, original question.

Second: Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.
Tagging: kcracken, faymosamos, mist_shadow, ladorki, insomnikat, ladysophiekitty, puppy_shipper, renivier


Who sleeps in bed next to you?
My husband.

Have you ever lied to a teacher to get out of a deadline?
Yes.

What kind of magazines do you read?
I don’t really read any magazines. Sometimes maybe InStyle or other fashion magazines.

If you could see one band in concert right now, any band, dead or alive, which would it be?
Queen.

What's really creepy?
People who can’t see how evil they are in everyday life.

What do you like most about yourself?
My kind heart.

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
Definitely Supernatural.

What are you listening to right now?
Radio, people talking.

What are you most excited for?
Trip to USA with Jenn. Trip to Japan with Niklas and Aki. Meeting Rhea again. Writing with Anni.

What websites do you always visit when you go online?
Gmail, facebook, livejournal, the school of Jensen and Jared…

What was the last thing you bought?
Self-editing for Fiction Writers (a book, heheh)

What's you favorite season?
Summer

Does the weather affect your mood?
Not really.

What is your zodiac sign?
Libra.

Do you want to learn another language?
Definitely: Japanese and Swedish.

5 things (not people) you can't live without?
Books, my computer, glasses, good food, a blanket

Do you have any siblings?
One brother. I could have had two.

What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
Life is very simple. Be happy.

What's your earliest memory?
Lying on the floor of our family friends’ house, holding my bloody nose. I had just smashed face first into my friend.

Say something to the person who tagged you:
There’s too many things to say. Let’s just say that I always think of you.

I have no idea how these things keep happening, but I think I've finally understood what makes life truly interesting: right kind of choices. ^_^

I'm going to a Supernatural convention with my dear friend whoaluke. I'll be staying in America for a week and a half, and I'll be going to Dallas and LA. We've booked our convention tickets already. Now I only need the flights and the hotels. ^_^

But that's not all. We're going to Japan for a month next spring as well. Oh my god, for a whole month! Aki is coming with us again. It's just insane. I don't even remember when I've had a month long vacation. Yay!! We already have our plane tickets and we've booked the Nekohouse (a Japanese woman rents this place for Finns only). Gah!

And I'm started my psychology studies this autumn with my friend.

I think I'm going to burst with happiness. I'm going to meet Jared Padalecki. ^_^

After ranting about bad fiction I started to wonder why I write stories. Do I write them for others or for myself? Do I write because I can’t stop, because it’s like breathing to me? Or do I write because I see stories everywhere?

I’ve never really thought about this. It’s funny. I should have. My heart bleeds every time someone stops writing because nobody appreciates their words. Why stop? It just breaks me to see someone feel so insecure that they rather not write ever again. I try my hardest to stop this from ever happening. I know my friends struggle with their words, with their need to express themselves, and with the fear of never finding anything real through it. All that work for nothing.

But is it for nothing?

Because no matter how hard it gets, I’ve never wanted to stop writing. I take long breaks sometimes, because it’s easier that way to bear the horrible burden of never being good enough. But I never want to stop. I want to continue. Write more and more and more. Touch people with my words. See something unfold. I want to share the mind I have, things that are important to me. There’s something only I can see, something only I can express. There’s no one quite like me, and that’s a precious thing to notice. I can write. Maybe not that well. Maybe not anything original (not yet anyway). But I can write. And it’s a gift.

So why do I write?

There’s nothing special about my need to write. I’ve learned what I’ve learned through hard work, and I don’t really have any real talent for the art. I don’t know the language well enough to be complex. I haven’t written funny stories when I was a child and I was never praised for my great gift. I’ve always been very very average.

So why do I write?

Because I love it. It’s as simple as that. It almost makes me cry to think about it. I love writing. I love to read the words I create. I love to see something of my own on the paper. I love to read something I’ve written and feel what the characters feel. I love the way I always manage to give something of myself, how there’s always something that makes it uniquely mine. I love my words. And I don’t care how difficult it is and how difficult it’s always going to be. I love my words.

That’s why I write.

Dear f-list, I’m going to rant!

I’m a writer. I’ve been a writer all my life, but I’ve written regularly since 2004 when I finally stumbled onto fan fiction. And what still boggles me beyond belief is the fact that bad fiction sells. People love bad fiction.

I don’t get it.

Twilight is a perfect example of bad fiction. The characters are Mary-Sues and the book is full of purple prose. In addition to that the vampires sparkle and the relationship between the vampire and the human-girl is just ridiculous in so many levels that all those Draco/Hermione stories out there don’t even come close to the obsession and abuse this relationship has.

Books can sell even if they are bad. This happens in fan fiction as well. Bad grammar doesn’t matter. Bad storyline doesn’t matter. Bad characterization doesn’t matter. Nothing matters as long as there’s something that makes people read. And that something is usually fantasies. People want fantasies.

Sometimes I curse my need to say something real. I want to say something important. I want to share what’s within me. I want to give parts of myself to others.

This does not sell.

Or maybe I’m just not a good writer.

So, I'm thinking about writing a book and I'm thinking about the plot and the characters and the whole ordeal and writing it in English which is not my mothertongue. I think I'm crazy.

I just finished reading The Demon's Lexicon. I've been waiting for that book for over a year and I finally got it and read it and I miss it already. I want it back. I want to read it again without knowing what's going to happen.

Sarah, the author of said book, makes me want to write even more. She has always been an inspiration to me. She was a fanfic author before becoming a real author, and her vivid stories have always been my favourites. She is the queen of writing.

I suck at school by the way. At the moment, I don't feel like finishing it at all. I still have many things to do and I just don't want to do any of it. Thank god I'm on vacation now so I don't have to think about work. I worked some extra hours last week and now I have two weeks of free time whenever I want to keep it. Yay! It was worth it after all to almost kill myself with work. Oh joy!

I cannot wait for July to come. I will meet lovely Rhea again. I miss her. It's an odd feeling for me, because I don't usually... feel this way. I do miss people, but I also know that they are there and it's okay and life will go on and then one day, we'll see again. I'm quite practical when it comes to people. But with her, it's a bit different. She's there too. Close. Alive. And the days pass by and then the time comes. But there are words that we can't share unless we're face to face. And that makes me miss her like a part of my soul is somewhere else. ^_^

Life, dear friends, is strange. I want so badly to see what happens when I get old and I've lived and seen and been and then the end comes. I want it all to stop. But I also want to know that this is it, this is the point where I've done everything and it was so worth it. ^_^

*hugs* I feel good.

I've been sick these past few days. I even went to work, because I had so much to do before the trip I'm taking next week (starting from tomorrow). I'll be in Tampere the whole week, doing God knows what, probably losing my mind.

Life has never been neither easy nor difficult for me. That's probably the oddest thing about my life. I'm not going to go into detail today, because I'm tired, but just wanted to say it. Life is very odd. Most of the time it's very simple and beautiful. Other times it's just impossible. ^_^

I wish I had a manual.

I have my friend's birthday tomorrow. We're going to dress up as goths. ^_^ For old times sake or something.

I'm also wearing a dress now so I feel like a girl. ^_^ The older I become the younger I feel. Is that what happens to everyone? When I'm 100 years old, I want to be a little crazy and very full of love. ^_^

Anyway, life is simply wonderful. *hugs*

This spring has been a complete FAIL. >_< I was supposed to start running. I ran a few times. I was supposed to read to the entrance exams. I’ve read three of the nine articles and the exam is on next Tuesday. I was supposed to finish my psychology of education course. Hah! I’ll leave the exam and the essay for autumn.

I have done absolutely nothing.

I’m starting to believe that I’m under a spring-spell. Because I’m always like this when it’s spring. I want to do lots of nothing. All the time.

Also, sarahtales got attacked by hackers. All her posts were destroyed. Please be careful, f-list. Change your LJ e-mail to the one you’re actually using. Protect your password with a question only you can answer to. And please, please don’t click any suspicious links (hover over the links before clicking them). Her book, The Demon’s Lexicon is coming out on 2nd June. I’ve been waiting for this for so long. Yay!

It’s confirmed now. whoaluke will come here on 23rd August. I’m so happy about this. It’s kind of funny when you connect with someone immediately, feeling like you’ve been friends forever. That’s what happened to us, and the feeling is mutual. I always feel odd when the feeling is mutual. I still find it strange when people love me back. ^_^

Anyway, I’m back at work. Today I need to think about my thesis, because I have a meeting with my professor. I don’t really want to do this, because it’s sooooo boring, but I’m going to do it anyway. I just want summer. I want to be free of all the demands.

And by the way, when I finally decided to spend some time outside, sitting on the balcony, reading, eating water melon… It started raining after five minutes. >_< It felt like divine intervention. I was supposed to spend my vacation inside. *laughs*

EDIT: Meme from enchanter. ^_^

Instructions: You can ONLY answer YES or NO. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and asks. And believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming... thing is exactly as it seems. It is harder than it looks. But NO explanations !!! You will want to...But don't!!! Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers, and tag as many of your friends as you'd like to.


( The List: )

I'm on vacation this week and it feels so good. Yes, I should do some school work and read a bit for the entrance exams, but I don't really care. I'm freee!!!! ^_^

Anyway, we're cooking chicken curry (Japanese style) at the moment and then we'll watch a bit more of NCIS. It's a lovely day outside and we're wasting it here, but really, who cares?

I absolutely adore the little bag insomnikat gave me. It goes well with my jacket. ^_^ Life is full of small pleasures.

And well... I'm in love. I love Niklas so much. This life we've built together is just something I treasure. I'm so happy, and it is amazing.

Now I must go upstairs and eat. Have a wonderful week, f-list. *hugs*

I saw my friend, Eija yesterday. I don't think I've ever laughed as much as I did yesterday. We just bring out the best in each other. I love her so much.

I also saw the finale of Supernatural season 4 yesterday. What a wonderful episode. I don't care about anything else, but the Winchester brothers. That's why I watch the show.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see Star Trek again. I liked it the first time. And watching it with a friend who can be as crazy about things as I can... ^_^ It's going to be fun.

Today has been an awfully lazy day for me. I've only watched the series, NCIS and the movie, Ten Inch Hero. So lazy. But now, I'm going to write a bit. I need to finish four stories.

Oh, and I'm on vacation. ^_^

Oh my god, I'm going to Poland in July!! I love you, enchanter.

And it's almost confirmed that whoaluke is coming back to Finland in August. And insomnikat is, too.

I think my life has turned international while I wasn't paying attention. ^_^

Love you all so much!

I'm going to be all fangirly and tell you why I love this person so much. ^_^ It happens to be so that I never ever care about actors. Yeah, I sometimes think that Matsumoto Jun is cute or that Johnny Depp is an amazing actor. I can listen to someone else fangirling, though, and maybe participate a bit with uuhs and aahs if I must. But in general, I'm not interested. I'm especially not interested in pretty boys, because... well, I'm mostly interested in hearts. I'm interested in the things that can be seen in someone's eyes. That's why I've never been a fangirl. Actors are actors. They hide their true selves. If I can't see something true, then I'm not interested.

Well... this boy, this wonderful, funny, lovely boy shows his heart. And I want to meet him. ^_^

( Here's why I love him so much )


I just adore him. And still pictures, only make him stay still. He's so very vivid when you let him loose. ^_^

This week has been interesting. First I wrote thirteen pages of my thesis, then had the statistics exam, then went to see a friend who has breast cancer and today, I saw Kat and Sami.

Oh, and just moments ago we returned a wallet to a person who had lost it. Lots of money and credit cards that he would have lost without us. I'm so very glad that I have a husband who is as adamant about these things as I am. We had to do some police work to find his number, though. We actually called his father to get it. ^_^ But he hadn't even noticed yet that his wallet was missing so he hadn't closed any of his cards yet. Good! Yay! He was actually half-Japanese. ^_^

Sami made us veggie pizza which was very good. And Kat and I, we went to Cafe Krulla for cake and coffee. It was fun. Just hanging out. God, how I love it. And the good thing is, it's going to be regular from now on. ^_^ She'll be staying in Finland for at least two years. Yay! In August, she'll be moving here.


Oh, and I'm going to Poland this year. Cannot wait. ^_^